Relationships are hard, and sometimes trying to be the best version of yourself can seem to get in the way. Is your boyfriend not on board with your weight loss goals?
It may simply be because he thinks you are perfect as is, or he is dealing with some of his own internalized issues, but that doesn’t mean you should not take steps to better health if YOU want to.
Let’s talk about the 3 most common reasons he may want you refrain from losing weight and what you should do to try to get you both on the same page.
Why Does My Boyfriend Not Want Me to Lose Weight?
There could be plenty of reasons your boyfriend might not want you to lose weight, it could stem from jealousy or worry, or just the simple fact he cares about your well being.
Let’s explore more on these reasons, shall we?
1. Jealousy and Insecurity
Your boyfriend might not be on board with you losing weight because he’s worried you will become more attractive to other guys.
He may express his concerns in different ways. He may try to discourage you from working out, or he may make comments about how much he loves your body.
But underneath it all, he may be worried that other guys might start to fancy you more.
He may also have his own feelings of insecurity with his own body. Many guys are also unhappy with their bodies, they most of the time just do not talk about it or make it known.
The simple fact that you want to change for the better might be sparking his insecurity in his own body, and since he may not want to try and lose weight, he will be worried what will happen when your body changes and his does not.
Of course, it’s important to keep your boyfriend’s feelings in mind as well as your own.
After all, relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, two things that can be easily undermined by jealousy.
2. He Likes You The Way You Are
You’ve heard it many times before, there is even a song written about it. But, your boyfriend might actually love you as you are now.
He may not see the same things you see, and he might not look at you the way you look at yourself.
It is true that many of the things we do not like about ourselves, our partners do not even notice. They are only apparent to us.
We often want what we don’t have, even when it does not relate to losing weight.
Our partners are with us for a reason, and they might not want you to go ahead and change the things they love about you.
3. He’s Worried You’ll Become Over-obsessed With Your Appearance
Your boyfriend could potentially be worried that you will start being obsessed over your appearance and this might take a toll on your relationship.
It is common when we start focusing on our health to become obsessed with our health. Being obsessed with our health is great, as long as we are not obsessed in an unhealthy way.
Becoming too focused on our appearance can be detrimental to our mental and physical health.
Studies have shown that people who are constantly seeking approval from others and comparing themselves to others are more likely to suffer from low self esteem and depression.
In addition, those who are preoccupied with their looks are also more likely to develop eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia.
So instead of obsessing over your appearance, it is also important to focus on developing inner confidence and self acceptance, even when you are at a higher percentage of body fat.
By doing so, you’ll not only improve your mental health, but you’ll also be able to better enjoy the moments in life that truly matter.
What Should I Do If My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me to Lose Weight?
It is important to be open and honest with your partner at all times, even if the topics you discuss may be hard. Simply talk things over, but keep the following ideas in mind.
Talk to Him about your Reasons for Wanting to Lose Weight
Make your reasons for losing weight known, and stand your ground.
If he still does not agree, see if there is a way to compromise. Compromise is important in any relationship.
Compromising does not mean that you always have to give in or that your needs always come second.
Instead, it’s about finding a way to meet in the middle and working together to find a solution that works for both of you.
It’s important to remember that compromise is a two way street, but it is one way to staying happy and staying together.
This could simply mean that you are going to stick through with your weight loss goals and prove that you can do this in a healthy way. He might even agree with you after you reach your goal.
Don’t Put Your Relationship on the Back Burner
Keep things in perspective, and don’t let your appearance consume you. It is important to not let your relationship dwindle in the process of trying to lose weight.
This happens countless times in many relationships, a person will start to focus only on weight loss or whatever their fitness goal may be, and their relationship comes second and slowly dies.
Relationships are a constant work of art, and they have to be maintained.
If he has different reasons for why he doesn’t want you to lose weight, listen to what they are. You both need to reach some common ground.
As we discussed, reaching compromises and coming to a mutual agreement are important aspects of any relationships, because you will never agree with each other 100% of the time.
But, you must remember that you also need to take your partner’s thoughts, worries, or fears into consideration as well.
Your boyfriend might simply just be afraid that you are going to lose weight and leave him. He may have insecurities. We can all work through our insecurities if we talk about them and try to be understanding of each other’s feelings.
Make Sure you are Focusing on your Health, Not Just your Appearance
Do you want to lose weight because you want to be healthy? That is perfectly okay!
However, if you are at a healthy weight currently, you could not only jeopardize your relationship by focusing on losing more weight, you could also jeopardize your health.
It is important to make sure that your weight loss goals are safe, attainable, and necessary.
If you are at a healthy weight currently and are only obsessing over your appearance, you could cause damage to your body by trying to lose more.
Some negative impacts of losing TOO much weight and being underweight include:
- Amenorrhea (the loss of a woman’s menstrual period)
- Brittle bones
- Decreased immunity
- Weakened immune system
- Eating disorders
- Hair loss or alopecia
- Infertility issues
- Muscle loss and weakness
- Slow heart rate (bradycardia)
So, if you are currently at a healthy weight, make sure to focus on your internal health and not just your appearance.
Work on developing a good relationship with yourself before anything else.
Become Each Others Weight Loss Partners
Take something negative and turn it into a positive. Does your boyfriend need to lose some weight? If so, perhaps you can become his motivator and you can help each other.
Losing weight is easier when we have a partner to rely on, sometimes the best partner can be your significant other.
If you are trying to lose weight and burn some fat in a HEALTHY way, start trying to get your boyfriend involved.
There are many ways you can get your boyfriend involved in your weight loss, you can:
- Take Daily Walks
- Go Grocery Shopping Together
- Cook Together
- Workout Together
Make it a Fun Game
One idea that you may want to try is making up a little weight loss goal game. If you both have some weight to lose, make a calendar game with a goal weight loss.
You can both stick with your goals and whoever reaches their goal first wins. Perhaps the prize of winning is that person does the house chores or the dishes for a month.
Whatever the goal of winning will be, this can help get you both on the same page.
Make the Best Decision for YOU
Remember, at the end of the day this is your body you are focusing on, not his. If your boyfriend is not in agreement with you losing weight and it is something you need to do, you need to just go ahead and do it.
You should not allow anyone to control your body, not even your boyfriend.
It is important to be respectful of him and his wishes, but you also need to do what is best for you and your health.
Perhaps you can try some other methods to get him on board with your decision such as the ones we discussed earlier.
If those ideas do not work then make the best decision for yourself.
What If My Other Family Members Don’t Want me to Lose Weight?
Sometimes, it is not only our significant others who are not in agreement with our weight loss goals, it may be our mother, father, sisters, brothers, or whoever else you hold close.
If your mom does not agree with your weight loss goals, many of the same principles apply, talk things through. Explain your reasonings to her and why you want to be healthy. Consider her joining in with you to lose weight.
Dad not on board either? Try to get him involved. Our parents are often the most critical of us. They only want what is best and they are concerned for our well being.
If they still are not on board with your weight loss plan and it is healthy and necessary, then you have to just continue to do what is best for you. Your happiness is all that matters.
It can be hard to stay on track to reaching a weight loss goal when your boyfriend doesn’t even want you to lose weight.
Losing weight can be a difficult decision by itself, but if your loved ones are not in agreement with your decision, you might not feel very motivated and feel you have no one cheering you on.
However, it is important to do what is best for you and your health. Be your own cheerleader if you have to.
It is of utmost importance to remember however, that you should only lose weight if it is necessary, healthy, and attainable.
Talk to your boyfriend about your decision and try to get him involved in your weight loss plan. If he still does not agree, make the best decision for yourself and continue with your healthy lifestyle.
Remember, your happiness is all that matters.